A Room of One's Own

Obviously my mental health deteriorated in July and I will admit this now. I talked the heads off of nearly all my friends about the situation and I talked to my career counselor for 2 hours! Looking back on all of this a month later I can tell you that I now know I am certifiably insane. Not only was I unsure and upset about Dekalb but back in March I was tempted by yet another program which I applied to and was admitted. I wasn't in love with either idea and decided on law in Dekalb. I'm tired of being the restless dreamer and want very badly to be academically challenged and to learn something useful. It seemed to be the best choice and make the most sense. Or so I thought.

The apartment search in Dekalb didn't help. I finally took a trip out there on July 28 and was astonished at the quality of apartments. A 19 year old guy showed me two buildings and ruled one out due to it being next door to a frat house. This was a tricky situation because I never lived in a college town and didn't know what to expect. This is also at a time in my life when I thought shitty apartments were a thing of the past. Not so.

It was lucky that I got the young guy to show me around because he was naive and not at all a salesperson.

What's going on with the ceiling?

Oh there was a huge flood but they've patched it up now. They'll have it covered up again before school starts.

Why does this room have all that plastic sheeting up?

Oh it used to be a computer room for the building but they had to close it due to vandalism.

Are they going to um, re-paint? Or is it like this?

They painted last week.

Words cannot describe the disappointment. I understand that once involved with classes you would probably forget or not care about the condition of your living space, but maybe I cared too much already. I found other nicer buildings, some of which were only for grad students and families and they were pretty good. I could see it. I saw the benefit of doing something like this and it drowned me in sorrow. I wished I did it 4 years ago when I really wanted to. I wouldn't have given a shit then about the apartments or the debt or the time involved. Something changed when I moved away. Something made me a huge snob that can't live like that anymore. There was a window in my life to do this and I may have closed it.

I took two applications home and they sat on my laundry bin for a week.