I re-read some journal entries and one from July 30, 2010 really struck me. There I was still filled with confusion and doubt when I wrote this:
Today I woke up and decided to read in bed for a while. Then I decided to cook sweet potato burritos. Then I decided to cook 2 banana breads with pumpkin seeds and cranberries. I also decided to take myself out to a movie. Why is it that some decisions big or small are so easy, so obvious that all you have to do, is do it? Take time to do what you want.
Despite questioning myself in this manner I continued to burden my mind with what ifs and maybe I shoulds. A few people said that it was possible that I just wasn't going to decide this year and that I need more time. Impossible. I have to try something and I have to try it now!!! NOW NOW NOW.
A friend asked me what I would do for free and whatever that is then I should pursue it. I told her it was impossible and ridiculous because then I would be broke forever. But after that conversation I remembered all the agony I put myself through in the last 4 years to find something "right" for me. I'm pretty sure now that you're not supposed to have panic attacks and tears when you're following the "right" path.
As I'm looking back on my July and what would subsequently come to be in August, I can honestly say that what's right for you is often right in front of your face. All you have to do is take it.
Which brings me to the fact that I recently saw the movie Eat Pray Fuck You. I mean Love. Love. I read the book a while back and I can tell you honestly that I am a million times more interesting than Elizabeth Gilbert. She can totally suck it.
Similar to the Julie and Julia project, Elizabeth Gilbert takes herself on a brilliant odyssey of self discovery. She travels to Italy, India, and Indonesia in order to come to terms with her divorce and re-gain herself. She does whatever she wants when she wants to do it. I admire this type of spirit and have done similar things in the past. However, I did them while being a waitress or I charged them on a card. I did not have a year long trip funded by my publisher, meaning she knew the entire time that this experience would be a book. Doesn't that take away from trying to live in the moment?
Ok she's not that bad. She did some really nice things for others during her journey and I have to recognize that. She also extensively wrote about what yoga meant to her which was good but completely glazed over in the movie. Boo. The movie did an excellent job of showing her experiences in Italy but then it was lost. Here is my review:
It's not true that I hated it, in fact Bali is now in my top ten list of places to visit. I just find it funny that people see this type of trip as a fantasy or the escapist woman's pipe dream. That was exactly how this movie was marketed. She lost everything because she lost her man so watch her do all kinds of crying and crazy stuff and then find another one! One that cries and is a great father! Yea! Everything is better now!
Like I said about Israelis, they take trips abroad all the time and they only need to know where and when. For us it's this huge deal and totally crazy for anyone, especially a woman to do this type of trip, hence the popularity of Gilbert's story. Most of us at some point have spent money on huge televisions or gadgets or clothing or books. If you added up those yearly expenditures they might have taken you to an exotic destination instead. I have no idea why people think that they will never be able to afford a trip abroad. You find ways to pay for all kinds of other stupid shit, why not give yourself an experience instead? I didn't agonize or cry or listen to anyone tell me I was crazy when I took trips in the past. I just took the opportunity.