I'm back. I don't know what happened. I guess I just didn't feel like it. I've been over-analyzing everything. A friend told me the other day that I analyze grad school the way he analyzes women. Hmmmm.
I started to worry that it is wrong to write about my Grandma in this way. I am sharing stories about her that she wouldn't want people to know. Is this wrong? After I wrote the post of my grandma falling I had several people email my personal address and tell me how they felt about their grandparents and what was going on with them. It was an emotional day. I was impressed that friends felt like sharing that, but I noticed that none of them shared their thoughts here on the blog. They wanted to keep it personal. I really don't think that Grandma would want people to read about her, but she is so huge so larger than life so everything to me. How can I not?
My family ALWAYS says never to share any recipes. It's ours. Our secret. "Don tell nobody!!" I agreed with them until recently obviously. Still though I haven't been as forthcoming with them as I'd like. My grandma says that she will put a Lithuanian curse on me if I share recipes with anyone. I have to admit that I am a little scared as I want to make her proud. I'm glad she is unaware of this project...
Isn't it weird how we keep little secrets from each other? I've had a number of situations come up recently in which I have chose to keep my mouth shut instead of telling someone what was on my heart, as my grandma would say. Is this the right thing to do? I have also seen people act funny around me because they are trying to keep something from me and I can tell. Are we better off not knowing? Or is it cowardly to pretend like there is nothing you want to say?
I bet right now at this very moment if any one reads this anymore, you have something that you want to tell someone and for some reason you don't. You may even have something in your mind that you kept to yourself for years and years and are what? Too afraid? Why?
I wanted to tell someone something recently. It was just a compliment but I chickened out. I was worried that it might be read into the wrong way or that maybe I was revealing something or a million other stupid thoughts. One friend said "What is the point? It won't matter anyway." Another friend said that communication is where we fail in so many relationships and isn't it always better to just get it off your chest and tell people what we think and feel? I would agree with him but then I thought it was better left unsaid.
I dare you to tell someone something you have wanted to say. Do it even if it's ugly. Do it even if they say that they don't love you back. It's exciting to write this. I probably won't go through with it but I like the idea so much! In general I think that the ramifications for keeping secrets are far worse then just taking the risk in the first place.
Maybe I will share my grandma's pierogi recipe soon curse or no curse.