Friday, June 26, 2009


I'm back. I don't know what happened. I guess I just didn't feel like it. I've been over-analyzing everything. A friend told me the other day that I analyze grad school the way he analyzes women. Hmmmm.

I started to worry that it is wrong to write about my Grandma in this way. I am sharing stories about her that she wouldn't want people to know. Is this wrong? After I wrote the post of my grandma falling I had several people email my personal address and tell me how they felt about their grandparents and what was going on with them. It was an emotional day. I was impressed that friends felt like sharing that, but I noticed that none of them shared their thoughts here on the blog. They wanted to keep it personal. I really don't think that Grandma would want people to read about her, but she is so huge so larger than life so everything to me. How can I not?

My family ALWAYS says never to share any recipes. It's ours. Our secret. "Don tell nobody!!" I agreed with them until recently obviously. Still though I haven't been as forthcoming with them as I'd like. My grandma says that she will put a Lithuanian curse on me if I share recipes with anyone. I have to admit that I am a little scared as I want to make her proud. I'm glad she is unaware of this project...

Isn't it weird how we keep little secrets from each other? I've had a number of situations come up recently in which I have chose to keep my mouth shut instead of telling someone what was on my heart, as my grandma would say. Is this the right thing to do? I have also seen people act funny around me because they are trying to keep something from me and I can tell. Are we better off not knowing? Or is it cowardly to pretend like there is nothing you want to say?

I bet right now at this very moment if any one reads this anymore, you have something that you want to tell someone and for some reason you don't. You may even have something in your mind that you kept to yourself for years and years and are what? Too afraid? Why?

I wanted to tell someone something recently. It was just a compliment but I chickened out. I was worried that it might be read into the wrong way or that maybe I was revealing something or a million other stupid thoughts. One friend said "What is the point? It won't matter anyway." Another friend said that communication is where we fail in so many relationships and isn't it always better to just get it off your chest and tell people what we think and feel? I would agree with him but then I thought it was better left unsaid.

I dare you to tell someone something you have wanted to say. Do it even if it's ugly. Do it even if they say that they don't love you back. It's exciting to write this. I probably won't go through with it but I like the idea so much! In general I think that the ramifications for keeping secrets are far worse then just taking the risk in the first place.

Maybe I will share my grandma's pierogi recipe soon curse or no curse.


  1. My father always told me that if people truly care about you, they want to know how you feel and can accept the truth. The problem is with all the wacky social networking and ease of electronic communtication, it's hard to tell the difference between acquaintances and true friends anymore.

  2. MATT: I'd argue that people have never communicated well with each other. The inventive animal that we are, we keep inventing new languages and new ways to comminucate, but the biggest problem to comminucation has always been the human side, not the speed or meathod. Social Networking only adds odd new twists to an old problem.

    AVIVA: Having a secret gives a feeling of power to those that have it. For some it's a mater pride or honor. A defining feature handed down from when a woman's role as defined by cooking. Your life won't be lived that way. The secret receipies, something handed down from mother to daughter, daughter in-law, or grand-daughter for generations has a diffrent context for you.
    To you, I imagine they are heirlooms, wonderous historical treasures, that may be lost to time if they are not written down and shared.

  3. I have always tried to live by a code of honesty. I tell people when they look like crap, I tell them when they look great, I tell them things they often don't want to hear. It is generally known by just about everyone around me how I feel about a given thing at a given time. I tend to pride myself on this honesty, but by the same token, I could really have used some diplomacy lessons growing up. There's a reason people aren't honest with each other. I'm not sure what it is really. I know that it is the main reason I don't have "aquaintences" and only have a few very close friends. Some people can't handle the truth. Some people don't want it unless it is packaged in a particular way. I suppose one of the important things we all must learn, that I really havent, is how to be honest and sensitive at the same time. Most of the people I know whom I would call sensitive are not the people I go to when I want real advice, but rather people I go to when I want a hug.

  4. Cowardice?! Seems a tad harsh. Most people struggle with this in a private and public way daily in various relationships (work, love, school, family, roommates, etc.).

    I am reminded of some of my "Sociology of Responsibility" notes from Ithaca College. My favorite professor said:

    1) We usually think people tell the truth 90% of the time and lie 10%, but it's the other way around.

    2) In every conversation there's content (what's being said) and affect (the feeling behind what's being said). Both should be considered.

    3) There will be a few important people in our life who stay with us to the end, and we must always make sure we are open and HONEST with them.

    I am reminded of something my friend Rina once told me. "You should never be afraid to express yourself openly to a person you care about, because it they get freaked out, don't understand, and the relationship changes then they probably are not somebody you want in your life."

    Moreso, I am reminded of our discussion a few days ago. If we are to live in the present, which most believe is the only time we can be safe and happy, then we should say things we think and express feelings openly in the moment WITHOUT EXPECTATION.

    It's like that old cliche we see in movies and television where a character wishes they had said this or done this a time before someone passed, became sick, broke-up, etc..."If only I had told him I loved him." Well, you should have!

    Life is too short to keep things in.

    When we don't share it's fear of rejection. Our feelings or thoughts won't be reciprocated or they will be laughed at and held up to scrutiny. So we don't say anything.

    At the end, I guess we all have our coward moments.

    Also, any family curse scares the #$%^ out of me! It reminds me of the crazy old gypsy woman in "Drag Me to Hell."