I suppose it's my fault really. I'm the one that reaches out and becomes transparent and writes publicly about my disappointments. Sometimes I wonder if valuing transparency is something I got from my mother, the Tsunami Dorit, who is brutally blunt and often says anything that comes into her brain without filter. She believes doing that is merely being honest and never learned the difference between expressing yourself and having verbal diarrhea. Still. You'd think that if I bothered to write my uncle a heartfelt and dignified letter that was sent properly through the mail, he would respond somehow. He would say something, anything, even a hearty fuck you would be better than nothing. I figure he never contacted me due to knowing he did something terribly wrong, and the ability to express this is impossible for the maladjusted person.
I suppose it means that I did my best to be a forthright and respectable person, and he is no longer worth having in my life. Not that he was much anyway. That makes me incredibly sad, especially during the holiday season but it's also a good lesson learned. Last year was the first time in my life that my cousin called me on Christmas, but I do not expect to hear from him again this year. In fact, if he calls I have a mind to tell him exactly what I think, and I would do it Dorit style.
How do you ever know if you're doing the right thing regarding these dramas and intricacies that come up? Was it brave of me to walk away from the inherited condo, or should I have fought through the drama to make it mine? Just recently I found the perfect couch set that I could have put in the living room. And I found perfect curtains at a store I occasionally check out online. I recently started to wonder if I could learn to make my own tile and create a custom color arrangement for the bathrooms. Bathrooms that someone else now owns, and it will be likely a decade before I will get this chance again. I did not ever imagine that I would feel this way. I only thought: "get rid of it." I didn't want to deal with ghosts and obnoxious family members.
If out of nowhere a series of events happen that make you just want to run away, how will you learn to take on difficult situations? They will continue to happen, and in this circumstance things will only get worse. My goal for 2013 is to learn how to make this funny. I wish to spin my epic ongoing soap opera into comedy so that I can live a normal life. Call it therapy, call it vengeance. Either way, it's going out there.
If you inherit a circumstance that you don't want, isn't there a way to see the bright side? Why do I wish I had it now? I only learned that I officially dislike both sides of my family and am quite alone. Since I am surrounded by unsupportive people, I always feel too attached to friends and unable to be sure of anything I do. However, I am determined to turn this around.
I must find it all funny, whimsical, and a laugh track ridden sit-com despite the dark undertones. Here is a first attempt:
EXT: GARDEN DAY
Dorit sits outside at a table, puffing away quickly on her third cigarette in a row. Her daughter Aviva comes to sit outside next to her.
AVIVA
What are you so upset about now?
DORIT
Nothing.
AVIVA
Well, it's nice out today. We should hit the Botanic Garden or something.
DORIT
We've got a botanic garden right here.
AVIVA
That's true. My god. How many of those have you smoked?
DORIT
Who cares? Your father doesn't care. He doesn't care about anything. Your dad never stood up for me. He let your grandmother and your uncle Jim were awful to me the whole time I knew them.
AVIVA
How is it possible that you're so stuck on the past? Let it go. Move on. That's the only option.
DORIT
Don't you know what they did to me? And now we're stuck cleaning up after that asshole. Your dad better get his share of this mess. If he doesn't handle this right I don't know what I'll do. I should just pack up and move to Israel.
AVIVA
Of course. You'd never face any drama there.
DORIT
Your dad is useless and lazy. He never does anything right. Your grandma used to tell people how embarrassed she was that her son married me right in front of my face. Your dad never said anything. Your uncle used to swipe his finger over the light fixtures to find dust, and tell me what a lousy wife I was for not keeping the house clean. And look what he left us! Piles of pornography! Piles of that shit. Everywhere. And not just the stuff with boobs. They call it hard core that stuff. You have no idea.
AVIVA
I have some idea. Ma, come on. Give it a rest. So they were jerks. We can't do anything about it now. We just have to deal with the condo and move on.
DORIT
Your Uncle Jim gave you rocks for your birthday. Rocks wrapped up in a box and lots of paper. Rocks! You were just four and started to cry. And they laughed at you. What kind of people are these? They don't understand love. They don't understand decency. Your uncle Jim was the worst.
AVIVA
Ma, he's dead. They're both dead. How is it possible that you're upset at dead people? What did they visit you in a dream or something?
DORIT
They were ashamed to take a picture with me even. They told me the photos at your Uncle Baloney's wedding were just for family and made me move aside. Did I show you the only wedding photo I have from it? I had to ask someone to take a picture of me and your dad. Only one photo of me in that beautiful dress! My god. And your dad never said anything to them.
AVIVA
You're talking about something that happened 30 years ago. Surely there is something better that happened in the last 30 years that can occupy your thoughts?
DORIT
Oh yeah? I suppose you take everything so easily. Well how would you feel if something from your past came up? How would you feel if you heard from Voldemort?
AVIVA
My ex? I have heard from him. He sent me a facebook message a while back.
DORIT
Oh really? And how did you handle that?
AVIVA
Well I was upset for an evening but then I realized that I could just delete it, and he was gone. Just like that.
DORIT
He came here you know. I talked to him.
AVIVA
Excuse me?
DORIT
He came here. He wanted to give you some stuff from the apartment. He gave me a box but I never opened it.
AVIVA
When was this?
DORIT
I don't know. A year. A year and a half ago.
AVIVA
A year and a half ago? Where is it?
DORIT
I don't know. We were just going to throw it away. We didn't think you'd want anything from that scum.
AVIVA
WHAT? I don't, what are you, why? He was here and gave you a box of my stuff and you never bothered to even tell me about it?
DORIT
See, you are upset. That's why I never told you. I talked to him for a while. Your dad came home and told me to get rid of him and that was that.
AVIVA
I'm upset at you, not about some stupid box. What do you mean you talked to him? What?
DORIT
He asked if he could talk to me and I said yes, so I brought him out here into the yard and we had lemonade. He told me about what he is doing now, and he gave me his business card. Do you want it? It's in my wallet.
AVIVA
You had lemonade? Lemonade? With Voldemort? I don't understand. I don't understand. How could you possibly speak for me? What were you thinking?
DORIT
I didn't speak for you. I spoke for me. I wanted him to know how I felt about it.
{AVIVA stands up to leave but paces back and forth.}
AVIVA
Oh my god. You are a train wreck.
DORIT
See Aviva? And now you think it's easy to let things go. Terrible things happen all the time and we have to deal with unpleasant people. And it still affects me. I have a right to feel angry at them if I want to. I have a right to tell people how I feel. Your dad should have told his family how he felt once in a while.
AVIVA
I don't think you get it. In a normal world you're supposed to take the box and tell a person like Voldemort to have a nice life, and not engage in conversation at all. You can't invite evil into your yard. You can't possibly compare this to agonizing over 30 year old relationships with people who are dead. I'm going to need one of those cigarettes.
DORIT
No you don't get it.
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