Final Answer

Oh no. No. No. No. No. No. Please. I can't.

Just go, what's the big deal? So you'll miss one week. You hate that job anyway.

That's not the point. I was going to give notice. Don't you care about my plans?

I don't see how one week is going to make that much of a difference. Just give them notice when you get back.

I really don't want to do that. I have plans.

Change them. It's just a week! I'm so excited. I can't wait! Can you believe I got the tickets a few days before?

What is the point of going for a week? With the travel days it will only end up being five days. What are your plans for five days?

Hana has plans for us. She said not to worry, just come. We could go for hikes, go to the ocean, the market...it will be beautiful!

That was the conversation on July 7th. Full of convincing and arguments and desire versus logic, something I am quite familiar with. My final answer was no. Dad told me not to feel bad and that it was her fault for just booking a ticket without talking to me and so on. She attempted to change the reservation.

United claimed that because she submitted the request as the two of us she would have to start all over and it was possible that she would lose her seat. As it was there weren't any further seats available and if they changed the seat to be ineligible for the use of mileage, there was nothing to be done.

Tears. Disappointment. Disaster. I spent the 8th of July thinking that I ruined my mom's plans by not being helpful and spontaneous. She spent the entirety of her day on the phone trying to work it out. All she wanted for her 60th birthday was to go to Israel and here was my chance to go with her. It was just a week. I could cancel my babysitting gig and tell work....what? Who in their right mind is going to believe that I needed a last minute luxury getaway to the Middle East?

I lied. I hate doing shit like this but it was never going to fly. Instead of telling my contract supervisor that I was leaving and my last day would be the 16th, I told her that my mom was ill. She previously had plans to go to Canada to visit family and was no longer sure she felt up to going by herself. Amazingly, a woman who I thought hated me and had previously given me a very difficult time, had simply said: "I don't see why not." I got the time off. It was a miracle.

Minutes after this worked out I received a text message from Mom that said she was able to get me off the reservation. I called back.

Are you kidding? I just got the time off? How am I supposed to explain this now?

OH! YOU GOT THE TIME OFF? I'LL CHANGE IT.

Oh god. Look if you can't change it, forget it ok? I thought I was doing you a favor. I'll come up with something.

No! Wait! They're still on the phone........(background noise).......ok. You're back on. But you're flying through Frankfurt on the way back.

WHAT? Look let me call you when I'm out of here.

Later on I found out that they weren't able to get me on a return flight with Mom. Whether this was always the case or not I don't know. I have no idea why she was fine with me having to spend a night in Frankfurt alone but this really upset me. She wanted me to come so badly that she didn't care about what I'd have to deal with to do this. Normally I am ok with traveling alone but it was too much. I got pissed off because the point of going was to make sure she wasn't alone and now she would be alone anyway. I wanted to cancel. I wanted out.

Too late. The tickets had gone from "reserved" to "issued" and I was thoroughly upset; tears, stomach ache, the works.

Dad checked everything online to be sure it was ok. It turned out that they had me on the flights but not Mom. Another series of phone calls ensued and by midnight it was finally resolved. Mom and I were on the same flights, both staying overnight in Frankfurt on the return leg.

I didn't want to do this. That long of a flight so spend only a week is nothing short of insane. She wanted it though. She needed it. She needed me to go with her and by 9am the morning of July 9th, I was on a flight.

Three Days

On July 6, 2010 I went back to work after the 3 day weekend expecting to give notice to the job. However, the contract supervisor took the day off for a longer weekend and I had to wait until the next day. Technically that would mean giving a week and a half notice instead of a two week but what can you do? I was ready.

In the afternoon I received an email from Mom that said, "I got us tickets to Israel. Don't say no we are going."

I ignored this email thinking that surely she was kidding.

Then there were a series of text messages:

"Tell them it's an emergency."

"Say yes!"

"We are going to Israel! I am so happy!"

Either she had completely lost her mind or she really was under the impression that I was going to Israel with her, or both.

Finally I responded to the email saying that we will talk about it when I got home.

When I arrived I learned that she called United mileage and they were able to place us in two spots to go to Israel for free.

I explained to Mom that I had a plan and that this really wasn't in it. Would she be mad at me forever if I just didn't go ?

She cooly said that it was fine but she was sure that if my friends wanted to go to Hawaii I would go with them.

When would we be leaving?

Friday.

Friday, in three days.

Of Parties and Plans

So we had an unexpected party on July 4 that lasted until 2am. There were plenty of guests and of course Mom ran around like a maniac. Since it was a three day weekend for me I intended to get chores done on Sunday so that I could enjoy Monday to myself. I told Mom that I did not intend to partake of this party and that I had things to do. She said, "I understand," in that sad defeated voice and then came inside every twenty minutes to tell me that people were asking for me. Then she said people were going to toast to Dad and I needed to be there. Then she said that my uncle James had arrived and I should really go see him. Great. That was the last thing I needed.

So I was stuck there and Dad felt that he was stuck too. He didn't want to spend the evening grilling and as far as I could tell he didn't want to spend the evening with his brother. I managed to have a decent evening and ate fruit to make up for the indulgence day before. I figured that I would spend time with myself on the 5th and focus on change and positivity then. That means that I cannot spend one minute inside the house, so I shopped, ran errands, and got together with a friend. Thank goodness for friends. Usually on Sundays I spend time journaling in a cafe but since it was cut off the day before I did that on the 5th.

Plans:

give notice for job tomorrow (7/6/10)

put together picture book from Grandma's birthday

go over all school related mail

see career counselor

MAKE DECISIONS

work on resume

look for apartments

Week menu:

make sweet potato burritos, key lime pie, pasta with scallops, turkey sandwiches, salad

When I got home that evening Mom jubilantly declared that she was hired for a job. They called her that day and offered her a job as a front end manager of a gourmet grocery store in Lake Forest, IL. Her start date would be July 19. I was excited for her since this will be her first job in a decade, but I don't necessarily think that a grocery store is the right environment. I don't see how she will stand all day and lift boxes and do things that her body might not want to do full time anymore. Mom has been suffering from very severe carpal tunnel syndrome and waited too long to do anything about it. She needs surgery but is determined to do the job anyway.

"I'm happy for you. I really think you should keep looking just in case though."

"Why are you always so...? Uh! I'm happy. Be happy for me."

"I just said I am happy for you, I'm just worried that 40 hours is too much."

"Don't be ridiculous. You don't even notice half the work I do around here. I'm stronger than you think."

"Yeah but that bakery didn't work out last year because you had to lift stuff remember? What if this is physically difficult? I'm just saying you have to do what's right for your body now."

"I need a job. This is a job. We have a situation. I'm not going to complain."

"Ok well I understand. I'm glad to see you so happy."

"I am happy. I'm thrilled. And since I have a week off, I'm going to take off to Israel!"

"What?"

"Yeah. Why not? We have two free international tickets from United through mileage so I'm going to see if I can go next week! Want to go?"

"To Israel? Come on."

"I need a vacation. I want to see my friends. You should come with me."

"Oh mom. Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

"If I can get us tickets, we're going."

"Sure, sure. Whatever."

Again, sarcasm is not best to use when dealing with my mother.

Chapter 2: It's Never Enough

On July 4, 2010 my dad marched in the Skokie Parade carrying a flag for the local chapter of Veterans of Foreign Wars.


This was a proud day for him and while we were all tired from the day before we had to be sure to get there. He called a couple times to let us know when we should make our way over but of course we left at the last minute and almost missed him! I didn't really want to go and my mom spent the entire morning in the garden. I thought she knew what time to leave but when I went out to get her she was totally unprepared. Magically we made it. I wasn't expecting to go to the VFW offices afterwards but Dad wanted us to meet the gang.





For the most part the men are considerably older than Dad. They were in World War II and now talk about their ailments endlessly. Dad and a guy in his seventies are considered the "kids" there. The older members are always talking about how they need to get more young guys in like Dad. They actually borrowed some local active service members to carry the flags too because the old guys couldn't do it in the heat.

I went to the VFW with Dad once before. They had a dinner party that was going to announce Dad as their new member and Mom didn't want to go. She thought it was ridiculous for him to spend time with these old guys, but may have changed her mind since the parade. So I ended up as Dad's date to the party. I knew the crowd at VFW was older so I was pretty sure they were going to be decked out, but Dad said, no no. It's casual I'm sure. Nope! We were definitely the only ones there in casual clothing, (me in jeans!) while these old timers wore suits and evening dresses. Shit. I totally stuck out.

Wow can these folks dance! A man played the keyboard and the old couples got up to the floor to shake a leg. Some couples danced to every single song. I admit to getting teary when watching them dance to "Young At Heart."

There was one lady there that must have been in her 90s but she slowly danced with as many men as possible. Old flirt! I actually saw her sit on some "younger" guy's lap! I was worried she was going to come over and steal my dad.

During a break one of the men at our table came up to do announcements and then introduced Dad as the newest and youngest member. He mentioned that Dad brought his lovely wife, Aviva. Dad was completely humiliated worried that these guys thought he was a dirty old man, but in truth it was pretty obvious that I was the daughter. The guy making announcements just gets confused sometimes.

At the table we talked about how they want younger members to join. They have a huge space that can be rented for parties and they have a huge surplus of money that they'd like to keep in the community. For example, last year they donated enough money to extend the children's wing at a hospital. If they don't get more members headquarters will close their branch and the money will go to the national VFW fund. They said that they tried everything to get younger members in; yellow pages, mailings, etc. I asked them if they had a website for the local branch but they looked very confused. They asked Dad if it was legal for them to have a website and wanted to know how much it costs. Dad said he would help them out with this and also suggested having a booth at one of the many summer fairs in the area. They looked astonished. It was cute.

The guys said that they rented the space out for some children's birthday parties and baby showers but the caretaker protested. The smell of the diapers was too much for him and that put a stop to it.

I think it gives Dad something to look forward to during this time of unemployment. He gets to help out interesting people that weren't in his life before, and it's got to be a boost being called the kid of the group especially the day after his 60th birthday.

So on July 4th we hung out at the VFW for the afternoon but had to hurry home as Mom planned a surprise party for Dad. I asked her if she was nuts because I felt we did enough yesterday but she said that was my present and she wanted to give Dad a party. A party in which he will be doing all the grilling and she will invite all her Russian friends. We needed to get to the store and buy meat and do everything in access as usual.

"But Mom, we ate an entire animal each yesterday! Are you sure you want to do this? I feel exhausted."

"It's Dad's birthday and now it's the 4th. We are having a party and you are going."

It's never enough....

The Birthday

On July 3, 2010 my dad turned 60 years old. He didn't want anything. My hope was to send him and Mom to Washington D.C. so that he could finally see the capital, (a long time dream) and be in town for the fireworks on the 4th. I could afford some of this journey but not all so I asked him what he would like to do. He decided to see Chicago instead. I suggested an architecture tour and then he said he hadn't been to the aquarium since he was dating my mom.

Itinerary for Dad's b-day:

1) Chicago River boat tour run by the Architecture Foundation

2) Shedd Aquarium

3) Fogo de Chao dinner

If you don't know of Fogo de Chao it's a Brazilian steakhouse where they serve all the meat you can eat and they carve it right at your table. My parents always wanted to go there but it's pricey so I figured for this occasion I really must take them. Dad said it was the best restaurant he had ever been to. The salad bar alone was amazing and the sangria was perfect. The highlight for me was a papaya cream dessert. The waiter said that papaya has a natural enzyme in it to help aide digestion. It was outstanding but the entire meal was extraordinarily rich. I didn't feel great the next day and my dad has since tried to be a vegetarian. Go figure.

I wasn't thinking about the amount of tourists in Chicago for the holiday weekend so everything took much longer than expected. We all got a horrific sunburn and were completely spent by 8pm. Still, it was a tremendous success and I am fortunate to have been able to give Dad such a nice day. There were no arguments or bickering and it was the first good family day in a long time.My mom's 60th birthday is also coming up this year and I have no idea what to do for her. The only thing she ever says that she wants is to go visit friends in Israel. That is the only thing in the world that she wants for her birthday.....

More Compromises

Since the revelation of not hating being in front of the computer all day, things started to change little by little. I felt more positive about moving on with my life. The intention was to be in Chicago for a couple months, then a couple more, and then I wanted to stay for my grandma's birthday and my dad's birthday. Dad's birthday being right around the corner meant that I was nearly free to live my life.

Oddly enough I grew too comfortable here. Despite the aggravations, my bed here is soooo comfortable. My bathroom is perfect and all mine. The walls aren't drafty and there isn't a bug infestation. Every kitchen appliance is here and is in perfect condition. I have all the comforts of home because, it's home. And I fell into a routine that is extraordinarily hard to give it up even when the need to escape is there.

It's possible that I am bad at adulthood. I was doing ok there for a while reminding myself that starting over is hard, but then I regressed. I need help to move forward.

My mother thinks that this help should be in the form of a man. One which can take the role of "professional" that I so desire so that I can just buy nice things instead. After several disgusting conversations/arguments with her she said that she was going to find me one. I yelled out, "Fine!!!" which was unfortunately taken as an honest answer.

A month ago my mother was getting her nails done at the salon and sat next to an Israeli woman speaking in Hebrew on her cell phone. When she finished the call my mom befriended her. The woman asked all about the family and when I was found out to be an unmarried 30 something she immediately gave my mom the number of a man she knows. I don't know how many people this happens to but my mother actually called this guy and interviewed him to find out if he was good enough for me. Without ever meeting him, she passed on his number to me insisting that I call.

I won't be badgered into this. I asked Mom what is wrong with her, but she said that I had agreed to be set up. I asked her how she could possibly take a rage filled answer seriously but she just shoved the guy's phone number at me. Then she put a post it on my door. Then she asked me every single day for a week if I called the guy. My response was to walk away. This is horrific to come home to, especially when things have changed at work and you need to focus on positivity.

And then after a particularly awful day at work, I was sitting in the kitchen with Dad discussing our plans for his birthday when she came in talking on her cell phone. Out of nowhere she handed me the phone and left the room. She told the guy when I would be home and to call her so she could get me to answer.

The guy was nice enough. I told him that I was supremely uncomfortable with this and that she has ideas in her head that I simply do not understand. Then I found out he talked to her extensively and learned things about my dating history. (thanks Mom!) That's when I knew for sure that there is something wrong with this guy. What is he doing talking to some one's crazy mother without even seeing these people in real life? He also was not a business owner or Kellogg student like Mom thought she would find me, but the guy that gets you in your car when you locked the keys inside.

He requested to take me out sometime just to meet even though I said I wasn't available. He seemed not to care or think it was a big deal to meet up at a cafe and have a chat and didn't easily drop it. He suggested a kosher place in Roger's Park that has excellent food. A kosher place?

"Do you keep kosher?"

"Yes, I am Orthodox. Didn't your mom tell you?"

"Oh wow. You know I'm not at all like that."

"I know your mother told me she didn't raise you like this. It's ok. I've dated a lot of women that are not observant. You can eat whatever you want but for me, it's kosher."

"Sure, well I always thought what kind of a god doesn't allow you to eat scallops? (he didn't laugh) So.... why would you want to go out with someone that isn't religious?"

"It's ok just to date. If it's long term then some changes would have to be made."

Aha. I ended the conversation slightly rattled and didn't speak to Mom about it again. She asked over and over if I was going to meet him but I never responded.

"You should meeeet him. You never know."

"Aren't you going to meet him?

"I would have at least had a coffee with the guy."

"It's an opportunity. Just meeet him!!!"



Dad's birthday couldn't come soon enough.

The July Story

I didn't write anything about July because the month deserves a novel onto itself. It will be my attempt here to write nearly everyday of August to re-cap crazy July.

CHAPTER 1

Compromises

There is an Arrested Development episode where Michael is making compromises all over the place. I felt that this was me for a time.

In June I made a plan to quit my job and finish working by Friday, July 2. Exciting plans were taking shape and I needed time to myself. Two things thwarted the plan: my boss went on vacation and needed me in there while he was gone, and my dad turned 60 on July 3 so I needed the money anyway. I postponed quitting and figured on July 9, thinking that would be enough.

I mentioned my intent to leave to my boss and found out his vacation was longer than originally planned. He was going to be back in town on the 12th and asked me to wait to give official notice, meaning I would have to push the date again. He gave me a higher access than my counterpart and requested I do some necessary things in his absence. I grudgingly agreed and figured on leaving July 16.

Politically it's never a nice thing to give the new girl more access and duties than the person who has been running things there for years. I discreetly worked on these projects but she made it clear that it was his job and none of my business to do. What could I do?

Recently I had an interesting realization at this job. I always HATED office work with a passion. I felt it was stupid work and beneath me to copy, paste, data enter, file, fax, answer calls, and assist absent minded people that make triple my income. While daydreaming I thought about the time spent doing this stupid work. Seven years. Nearly seven years of doing work I hate.

I needed to change my outlook. I recalled how much knowledge I gained on various jobs and the fact that I made more use of it at this office than any other. Shortly after working here I became the go-to person for presentations and general office maintenance questions. With the supervisor trusting me more than my colleagues I was privy to more interviews and investigations. Once I got busier on the job and gained information my day went by faster. I didn't hate it so much. All this time I kept thinking that I needed something new or completely different. I thought I needed to work in a restaurant to be happy, or a physical therapy center, a museum, a law firm, a dance studio, television studio, etc. Maybe becoming great at something you dislike can change the way you feel about it.

That being said, this still wasn't the right job or the right environment for me but I learned a lot. I thought I was the biggest idiot in the world about computers. Needing to ask for help with seemingly simple computer tasks was always the most embarrassing problem for me. Now I'm thinking that I'm not such a dummy after all. Plenty of people came to me for help. Maybe I just need to get even better at the use of technology and then I will find myself in an environment that doesn't suck. It's possible that this was what held me back all these years.

Shortly after my boss left for vacation I was demoted to a different section because that is the way offices work. Why keep things running smoothly? I had to do both positions for a couple days to complete the tasks. My new supervisor complained about my finishing projects for someone else and adamantly stated that I will not be attending further training with that department. Then the receptionist went on vacation and they forgot to cover her. I was placed there and nearly lost it.

Just two more paychecks. I have a birthday to pay for.


to be continued...